You CAN Blog About Anything!!! (Guest Blogger)

(Readers, please welcome our first-ever guest blogger on this site. Mr. Tulkinghorn will be making semi-regular appearances here with his expert writing advice. Enjoy. -Caleb)

Dear Struggling Writers,
Blogging is the key to a successful writing career. 
Any agent who hasn’t been dropped by all his clients because they have moved to self-publishing e-books will tell you this is true. I am the author of 47 novels and 18 nonfictions and my advice for you is BLOG A LOT. Here are my key tips:
  • Blogs must be focused on specific topics only. Because of this, every writer should have three or four blogs, all with different titles and themes.
  • YOU MUST post every new blog entry on Facebook. Only an ill-witted cabbage would miss this opportunity to alert their Facebook friends, most of whom they barely know and haven't seen in years, about every idea that pops into your mind to blog about.
  • I suggest you blog frequently about how you have a WIP (work in progress, in case you are new to this whole world of writing, you dear little pet. Don't worry, you'll soon get all the important lingo to make you feel you are part of the group). No matter how collapsed your WIP is, you should blog about it. Until you give up on it and move to another project. Then you begin blogging about the new project until it gets hard and you give up. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
  • Your blog will die and no one will read you unless you give things away. Anything will do.
  • Have cute labels and themes for different days of the week.
  • USE EXCLAMATION MARKS in all your blog titles!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duh!
  • Be funny.
  • And charming.
  • If you don't have a blog, you will never find an agent.
  • Make sure you prominently follow the blog of Nathan Bransford, even if you don't know that he is not an agent anymore, because being an agent sucks. He quit to go work in computers, but that doesn't matter. Follow his blog carefully. Let everyone know of your affection for him. He is likely to quit his job and go back to being an agent just so that he can agent your unfinished WIP which he found out about on your all-important BLOG.
Dear writers, these are enough tips for today. Memorize them, and I shall return tomorrow to give you further instruction.
M. Guppy Tulkinghorn, author



M. Guppy Tulkinghorn has self-published 47 novels and 18 nonfiction books, including his New York Times bestselling book, “Now is the Time to Write about Vampires and Men with a lot of Abs But Not Enough Money to Buy Shirts to Cover Them Because They Can’t Work Because They are Deeply Involved in a Love Triangle with a So-So Looking Chick whilst Dealing with the Burden of having Supernatural Powers.” Mr. Tulkinghorn discovered the key to selling books is to give them away for free after first self-publishing them, and then trying and failing to sell the books at grocery stores book-signings. Mr. Tulkinghorn has three pieces of free advice for writers everywhere: 1) Remember that WRITING CANNOT BE TAUGHT. 2) GO TO ALL THE CONFERENCES YOU CAN, NO MATTER THE COST. 3)BLOG MORE THAN YOU WORK ON YOUR MANUSCRIPTS. And here is a fourth piece of advice: Great Writers Use Lots of Italics, random Capitalizations, and Psychically-placed commas. M. Guppy Tulkinghorn is married to his wife, Wopsie “Miggs” Tulkinghorn. They live in Middle America.

7 comments:

  1. Aah!!! This is the most refreshing writing advice I've found in a while. I feel so empowered to succeed now!!!!!! (<--am I getting the hang of the exclamation points?)

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  2. Love it! Great way to get your point across. Took me a minute to figure out why you would let this guys be on your blogg. I'm slow, I know :)

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  3. I'm so ticked right now!!! You totally stole the name of my next book. I guess I'll have to go back to "Why Sparkling Vampires Get all the Sorta Good Looking chics". :(

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Dear Gupp,

    I am doing all of these things. ALL OF THEM! And I am not famous yet.

    Your advice stinks.

    Sincerely,

    Janiel Miller
    (www.nathanbransfordlovesme.blogspot.com
    www.checkoutmysparklyboyfriend.blogspot.com
    www.illwittedcabbage!!!!.blogspot.com
    www.ifyoudon'tlikemybookyoucandie.blogspot.com)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for sharing the info. I found the details very helpful.

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  7. I am a struggling writer and have not written much yet.I also think that getting attention of readers is really important and as you suggested from now onwards I will surely write blogs as it now looks to me a best way to get your friends read your composition and provide their inputs.digital signature PDF

    ReplyDelete